He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
where are my eyebrows?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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