He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
