i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
