Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
