So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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