Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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