He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
