had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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