We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
