yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it glows. i had to have it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
