I checked into jail on foursquare
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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