i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
