I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
