Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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