After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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