I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
