somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
