Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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