There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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