Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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