Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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