so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
