If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
