I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
