Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
