True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Green mimosas i think yes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
