You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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