I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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