Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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