That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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