barbara walters just said penis...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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