I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
