My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
