I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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