All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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