She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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