It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
