my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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