When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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