i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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