How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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