Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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