There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
