That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm getting married
To pizza
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
