He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
