If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
