I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They took my balls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
