how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
