Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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