I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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