Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
