Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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