She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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