I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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