if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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