Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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