Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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