come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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