i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
