i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
