She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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