my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
