i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
